1940s Mother’s Marriage Advice for Newlyweds Still Rings True Today

This marriage advice for newlyweds, written by a loving mother in 1940, shows that some principles for a happy marriage are timeless—including a respectful mother-in-law who stays out of the marriage. Genealogist Margaret Linford shares an excerpt from 500 pages of loving wisdom written by a successful Depression-era businesswoman to her children and grandchildren. But first, Margaret reflects on what it meant in her own life to become a mother.

It was a day that forever changed my life: April 20, 2004. That is the day I became a mother. Up until that point, I had only ever known how to be a daughter and granddaughter. The family tree had always ended with me. The emotions of that day will linger with me throughout my life.

My husband, Blair, and I had eagerly anticipated the birth of our daughter, Amelia. For several months, we prepared by stockpiling all manner of baby necessities: diapers, wipes, baby clothes, blankets. When the day finally came, Blair and I found ourselves anxiously waiting in the hospital room, passing time by imagining what life would be like with an infant in the house. The hours seemed to drag on and on. Finally: a flurry of activity. Doctors and nurses dutifully took their places, gave instructions and, at last, whisked away our newborn daughter to be measured, weighed, bathed and diapered.

In the still, early-morning hours, following the parade of doctors and nurses, Amelia and I had our first few moments of peace and quiet. I held her and tried to memorize every fold and crease of this tiny new member of our family who had given me the title of “Mother.” I tried to discern whose nose, eyes, chin and mouth she had inherited.

More than physical characteristics, I wondered who she would become. Would she inherit her Grandma Overbay’s incredible faith? Would she inherit the desire to be a healer and become a doctor like her Grandpa Wyant and Great-Grandfather McMurray?  Would she, perhaps, be a world-traveler, an artist or a musician like other members of our family?

In one profound moment, I realized that I was her link to the past and she was my link to the future generations of our family.

Since Amelia’s birth, we have welcomed two more daughters. I have had the same experience with each shortly after their births—moments spent pondering links to the past and future. These have been sacred experiences, moments I almost felt that generations of mothers who had preceded me were silently beholding.

Since becoming a mother, I have often wished that I could draw upon the wisdom of my grandmothers and great-grandmothers. How did they navigate the challenges of motherhood? What would a conversation with them sound like? What advice would they offer?

Meeting Laura Lu: An Inspiring Mother and Entrepreneur

Several years after holding my first baby and feeling the weight of new responsibility, I was introduced to a wise and loving mother who had lived in my hometown many years ago. Her name was Laura Lu Scherer Copenhaver.

This is a woman well-known in my county’s history. She founded Rosemont Craft Industries, where local women made rugs, coverlets, curtains, and canopies to help support their families during the Great Depression. Rosemont Industries would become known throughout the world. In addition to this, Laura Lu wrote the hymn, “Heralds of Christ,” and taught English and writing at Marion College.

These many things set her apart as a leader and one who could blaze new trails for those who would follow in her footsteps. She was not a woman prone to sitting at home all day. She was a woman of action and one who had the vision to lead others. People gravitated to her and sought her perspective. One of those people was famous author Sherwood Anderson, who also became her son-in-law. He valued her opinions and she became a trusted confidante.

I was introduced to Laura Lu by her grandson, Tom Copenhaver, and his wife, Rita. They discovered a box of letters that were in desperate need of preservation. They consist of at least 500 pages of wisdom and guidance written to help her children and grandchildren navigate the rest of their lives.

They asked if I would be willing to scan these treasures that had remained tucked away for 70 years. As I opened the box that had safe-guarded the letters for decades, I had no idea that I was about to “meet” one of the most amazing women I will ever know.

Each one of Laura Lu’s letters contains glimpses into the heart of a mother and counsel that is just as applicable to us as it was to her children in the 1930s. I could envision her sitting down at her typewriter, carefully choosing her words of advice to each child. She shared many of her own life experiences to teach them lessons and constantly encouraged each of them to seek out opportunities for learning.

Among the many things she accomplished during her lifetime, I consider her letters to her children to be some of the most enduring. They always began with the greeting, “Dearest Children,” and contained wise counsel that lasts throughout the ages. She is immortalized in the words that she penned within these letters. They may be considered the most valuable things she left behind.

All of our mothers have countless lessons to impart to us and, in honor of Mother’s Day, it is with great pleasure that I introduce you to Laura Lu Copenhaver and share one excerpt from her letters to her children.

Marriage advice for Newlyweds

The following is taken from a letter that she wrote at the end of her life. The advice she offers to these newlyweds could be offered to any young couple. It was sent to her son, Randolph, and his new wife, Lois.

“I have been thinking of wise and good things to write you (as if you would be guided in your new life together by what I say—take out my letter in moments of uncertainty and hunt for a gem of wisdom that would make the way straight for you).

“I realize that in spite of 72 years of living, I am myself too uncertain to write a really helpful letter. I could write pages telling you of the mistakes I made as one of the partners to a marriage that has turned out fairly well but avoiding the mistakes of our parents often plunges us into worse mistakes of our own.

Certainly, neither of you is going to make the mistake of feeling that it is easy to make a success of marriage. That such success comes without effort and sacrifice of some things customary and dear to individual life. I remember that the only advice my mother gave me was when I kissed her goodbye for my honeymoon trip. ‘Remember that if your marriage is not a success it will be your fault.’ I did not think any more highly then of my mother’s superior wisdom then, than you two do of your mother’s superior wisdom, but although it is not true that either member of the partnership is responsible more than the other for failure, it may be a good thing for each one to assume in his or her own mind the idea of larger responsibility.”

A Mother’s 3 Maxims for a Happy Marriage

Just as she passes along her mother’s marital wisdom to another generation, she adds her own counsel to that of her mother. Laura Lu believes that the combined wisdom of two generations of women will serve to guide her son and new daughter-in-law on their journey through married life:

“Here are three maxims for you that I do believe are important:

Do not be concerned about the world’s attitude to you, but about your attitude to the world. That is, do not worry over whether you are treated with respect or appreciation. Do not demand love but be grateful for the privilege of loving. Be really interested in other people, honestly if you can. If you can’t, pretend an interest, just to help make the world run more smoothly. I do not think either of you need this advice, but perhaps you might become so absorbed in yourselves that you might entirely forget about my liver and arteries—and that would be a tragedy.”

Perhaps some of Laura Lu’s most interesting advice had to do with the role of in-laws in marriage. She felt strongly that a married couple should have certain boundaries when it came to permitting others to have opinions on the manner in which they chose to navigate their new family’s life. It was imperative that they be allowed to make decisions and have opinions, without fear of someone else’s judgment—even if that judgment came from a relative or close friend. She interjects a bit of humor in this touchy subject of how to deal with well-intentioned in-laws.

“The most precious thing about living is having your own way—in some small sphere only, it may be, but somewhere all your own where you let yourselves go and do and say what comes from inside you. Call it self-expression, if you like that misused old word, but it is a sacred place into which you must not let anyone but your two selves intrude. I am speaking particularly of relatives and officious friends who would, if they could, map out your lives for you. Mothers-in-law are the worst of all, so statistics prove. Keep us out by any fair means and, if fair means will not work, use any sort of strategy, even force if necessary. Put us in homes for the aged, but never, never offer us the shelter of your own roof. Fathers-in-law have been known to live peaceably and unobtrusively in their children’s homes, but never mothers-in-law. So perhaps it is just as well that you are starting out in Alaska, where neither of your mothers can come to interfere with your life. Of course, we may visit you for a week or a month at a time, but no longer and do not visit us for longer than a month.

The third thing is one about which I have small hope of being listened to:  the place of the Church in your new life. If you have any good substitute, that is all right, but I do not know of a decent substitute.”

How many mothers-in-law would caution their son’s new wife to maintain a safe distance, even by using “force, if necessary?” Laura Lu had the unique ability to offer counsel, with complete sincerity and honesty. She recognized their individuality and, selflessly, put their happiness and welfare above her own. She sought to encourage and inspire them–and not become a stumbling block to their aspirations. This self-sacrificing quality is evident in her letters. It is the attribute that endeared her to me, as I eagerly read each page of counsel from her. 

Laura Lu passed away just two months after writing this letter: on December 18, 1940. 

“What a book she might have written”

Laura Lu’s life was always busy with a project. She actually commented to her children that “you children in after years can say, ‘What a book she might have written if only she had been vouchsafed a little time.’” She might not have realized it at the moment, but she was writing a book of her very own, with the heartfelt letters she was typing to her children. A 500-page book of letters that still guides her family today.

Meeting Laura Lu through the lens of her letters inspires me to search for ways I might preserve wisdom for my own daughters and granddaughters—wisdom they might draw upon someday when they find themselves marrying, and then eventually looking into the eyes of their own newborn children. In that moment and all the moments that follow, I hope they will feel the collective strength of the generations of mothers who preceded them.

What advice is worth passing on?

Here’s my challenge to you, dear Gems: pour a cup of tea, turn off your cell phone, and follow Laura’s lead by taking a few minutes for yourself (and your family) to record the advice you’ve received and the counsel you’ve given (or plan to give). Consider your answers to these questions–and how you might share them with your loved ones:

  • What is one piece of advice your mother gave that has remained with you? How did you apply that advice to your life?
  • Describe a challenge you overcame in your childhood and the lesson you would like your children to draw from it.
  • Which of Laura’s pearls of wisdom do you think the next generation would most benefit from?

Feel free to leave a comment below.

Margaret Linford

Margaret Linford

Margaret Linford is a professional genealogist who specializes in the Mid-South Region of United States research and has logged over 20,000 research hours. Born and raised in Virginia, she has enjoyed traveling the world, and now lives in her childhood hometown with her husband and children. She enjoys teaching her children about heritage, taking them along on research trips and serving as President of the Smyth County Genealogical Society.

Wills and Probate Records are Genealogy Riches!

Using wills and probate records for genealogy can lead to unexpected “inheritances” of your own: clues about relatives’ identities, wealth, personal belongings, and family relationships. Wills can reveal great family stories, too: researcher Margaret Linford entertains her mother with them during trips to the courthouse. Here’s how wills can help your family history—and Margaret’s tips for finding and using them.

Using Wills and Probate Records in Genealogy Research

“Where there’s a will, there’s a way” to find out more about your family’s history. Wills are legal records created to direct the settlement of a person’s property and other final affairs after his or her death. Probate (or estate) records are created after an individual’s death as part of the legal distribution of the estate and payment of debts. You’ll often find wills as one of many kinds of the documents included in probate records.

Wills and other probate records are valuable research tools, but are frequently neglected as sources of genealogical information. People often focus strictly on birth, marriage, and death records when searching out their family histories. If you rely solely on those records, your research will encounter many brick walls in the early 1800’s. Probate records and land records were often the only official documents left behind to tell the stories of ancestors who lived prior to the legal requirement for the registry of births and deaths.

Wills of slaveholders can also be valuable tools in conducting African-American genealogical research. Before the Civil War, enslaved people were listed in wills because they were valuable property of slaveholders. For instance, in the 1863 Smyth County property tax records, it is noted that Abijah Thomas owned 56 slaves, which were valued at $53,800. Some were given their freedom within wills, while others were transferred to other members of the family or sold. For instance, one of the first wills recorded in Smyth County is that of Hugh Cole. Within his will, he says the following: “I bequeath to my beloved wife Martha Cole a negro girl named Amanda which she is to hold during her natural life.” The mention of an enslaved person in a will—along with any personal description of him or her—may be the only surviving document to mention that person by name.

Within another Smyth County will, recorded on February 20, 1835, a woman named Elizabeth Blessing left the following directive: “I will and desire that my negro woman Betty be free at my decease, and must see to her own support during her life, as I shall not make any provision for her out of any part of my estate.”

What’s in a will? Just about anything

One organ, one compass, chain and plotting instruments, two chests, one hat rack, one music rack, one old United States map. These are some of the items found in the appraisement bill of the personal property belonging to the estate of Abijah Thomas, who lived in the well-known Octagon House in Marion, Virginia. Here is a photo of that home, now in a dilapidated state, from a Wikipedia file image (click to view image and source information).

Also included in his personal property is a church bell. The story behind the bell is intriguing and illustrates the significance of the probate process. Abijah Thomas utilized the bell at his foundry works in Marion, Virginia, to indicate shift changes. For decades, the oral history surrounding the bell indicated that he had donated it to the Wytheville Presbyterian Church before he died. The court documents reveal a different story.

Since Abijah died intestate, the court appointed three men to appraise his personal property. During this process, the bell was valued at $75. It was sold on September 1, 1877, to the Presbyterian Church in the town of Wytheville, Virginia, as shown in the above list of items sold from his estate. This document dispels the family myth surrounding the church bell. This is just one of many examples of the types of stories you find in probate records in courthouses all across the United States.

What you may find in a will or probate records

Wills and probate records can pass along unexpected genealogical wealth to you. You may find the following information in them: date of death (or approximate date of death), name of spouse, children, parents, siblings and their place of residence, adoption or guardianship of minor children, ancestor’s previous residence, occupation, land ownership, and household items.

Probate records also contain such interesting stories that they can even be read for entertainment! Whenever I go on a research trip, I usually drag some poor, unsuspecting soul along with me. That person is usually my Mom. While she enjoys the scenery on our drive to different courthouses, she rarely enjoys the time spent at the courthouse. Some of the research I do requires me to stay at the courthouse for several hours. That has posed a problem in the past since I haven’t known how to keep Mom occupied. But I have found the perfect solution. When we arrive at the courthouse, I find an old will book and let her start reading.

My mom enjoys reading the stories in these old—and sometimes tattered—books. One of her favorite stories came from a will in Henry County, Virginia. It is the will of Addie T. Thornton and reads as follows: “I also give to my nephew Thomas T. Earles, fifty ($50) in cash to be deposited in some safe Banking Institution, on interest until he arrives at the age of twenty-one (21) years old and then the principal to be invested in a watch and I request that a monogram with both his and my name, one on inside and the other on outside of watch.” Obviously, Addie Thornton cared deeply for her nephew, Thomas, and wanted to make sure he remembered her for the rest of his life.

Here’s part of Addie’s will, followed by a closeup image of the lines about the watch:

Stories like these are so much more meaningful than just a date of birth, marriage or death. Wills can help us know who these people were, how they lived and what was important to them during their sojourn here on earth. We can learn of their struggles and their successes. We can tell what their lives were like by reading through the lists of household items included in the inventories that are recorded. And with stories like Addie’s bequest of the watch, we can also learn about ancestors’ personalities and how they expressed (or occasionally withheld) love for others through the final disposition of their belongings.

How is a will created?

Before beginning probate record research, it is important to be familiar with the probate process and legal terminology associated with these records. It is estimated that, prior to 1900, about half of the population either left a will or was mentioned in one. Those who died having left a will are said to have died “testate.” Those who died without leaving a valid will died “intestate.”

A typical, legally-recognized will contains certain critical elements. It should be in written form and it must have signatures of the person leaving the will (“testator”) and witnesses, who attest to the validity of the document. A codicil is a document created by the testator to amend the will.

Once the testator dies, the will is presented to the judicial authority by a family member or executor/executrix (person appointed by the testator to see that his/her wishes are carried out), accompanied by a written application or petition for probate. These petitions include names and addresses of the closest living relatives. The court then admits the will to probate and sets a hearing, providing an opportunity for interested parties to contest the will. The will is then recorded and the executor is given the authority to settle the estate. During this process, an inventory of the estate is made.

Some wills contain detailed information, regarding the testator’s final wishes. At times, these requests will shed light on relationships that might not otherwise be discovered. This was the case for a will on file at my local courthouse. Due to the nature of the requests made by the testator, I have changed the last name of the family to Smith. This wife was, obviously, upset with her husband and the circumstances of their marriage, providing clear details of her grievances for future generations.

“Since my husband has never made me a part of his family and has completely cut me out of ever living in Chihowie, Virginia [the husband’s hometown], or never provided me with a home or paid any of my bills and has broken all marriage contracts that we agreed to—I hereby decree that I be buried in Round Hill Cemetery at Marion, Virginia, where I own a lot—that my body or anything I own or possess will never be taken into Chilhowie or the Smith household. My husband has never taken me into his own home, and furthermore stated, backed up by his nephew and his wife, whom he turned everything over to shortly after our marriage—that I would never own or live on a foot of the Smith ground, even though I have tried to build or buy or remodel a home in Chilhowie, Virginia, at my own expense.

“I give all books and material things pertaining to books to the Smyth County Library, Marion, Virginia, as I am sure that my family would not want anything to fall into the hands of anyone who has mistreated me.

“My husband has kept our marriage strictly on a time clock basis since his nephew and his wife moved back to Smyth County, and under their influence he comes at 6:30 or 7:00 p.m. (whichever is convenient to them) or later, and leaves promptly in the morning by 8:00 or 8:30 a.m., never calling during the day or show[ing] any sign of caring. He changed completely after they returned to Chilhowie to break up the marriage. Therefore, if I am still his wife, or otherwise, see that my wishes are carried out and that my remains and possessions remain in Marion.”

Where you can find wills and probate records

The best place to search for a will is at the courthouse where your ancestor lived, if you can reasonably go there yourself. Since the probate process is a function of state governments, the laws governing the maintenance of these records and their location will vary by state and should be researched before making a trip to the courthouse. For example, in Virginia, probate records are maintained within the Circuit Courts and independent cities. In Massachusetts, probate records are found in county Probate Courts. A useful resource for figuring out how U.S. probate records are organized state-by-state is free on the Ancestry.com wiki: Red Book: American State, County and Town Sources. Scroll down to click on the name of the state in question. Then go to the right side and click on the probate records link for that state to read about these records.

Once you have determined where the wills for your state/county are housed, the next step in the research process is to locate the Index for Wills. Even–perhaps especially–if you are unsure of the date of death for one of your ancestors, you may want to look through the index of wills (an example is shown here). Even when no specific death record exists, you may be surprised to find probate records that reveal the date of death, a list of heirs and more.

There will, most likely, be several index books, organized by year spans. These books serve as a compass, pointing you to any available probate records that may include your ancestors. The index is divided by devisor (the person making the will) and devisee (any person who is named in the will, as the recipient of property). The research process will be incomplete if you do not conduct a search for your ancestors among the list of devisees. Even if you fail to find their names among the devisors, they could have inherited property from someone else.

Probate records include more than just the will of an individual. You may find letters of administration, lists of heirs, inventories, bills of appraisement, guardianships and other documents related to the settlement of an estate. In some counties, all these documents are found in the same collection. Other counties maintain these records in separate collections. It is important to understand the manner in which probate records are organized for your particular county.

The probate research process should not be rushed. Valuable records may be overlooked when time dictates the quality of your research. For this reason, it is important that you set aside ample time to comb through the probate records. If you find yourself confused about abbreviations or the location of records within the courthouse, there is usually someone in the records vault who would be happy to assist you. Never be afraid (or embarrassed) to ask for help.

Fortunately for many of us who can’t easily get to every ancestor’s courthouse, there are some wills available online on genealogy websites, including two of the genealogy giants, FamilySearch and Ancestry.com. For example:

  • Subscription website Ancestry.com has made it a priority to curate an enormous collection of wills and probate records from all 50 states. At last count, this collection has more than 170 million records—and they keep adding to it.
  • The free FamilySearch.org hosts millions of probate records from the U.S. and around the world (click here to browse their probate and court record collections). Many of these collections are marked “browse-only,” which means they are not yet searchable by name online. You just have to page through them. Click here for instructions on reading browse-only records on the site (it’s not that difficult—and did I mention they’re free?).

Additionally, libraries or genealogical societies in your ancestor’s hometown or county may have books with abstracts from local wills or other resources related to local probate record research.

Well worth the effort to find

Finding the will of one of your ancestors is an amazing experience. Walking into the vault of a courthouse sometimes feels like walking into a time machine. As you read through the pages that tell of people who lived so long ago, you feel like for even just a small moment that you have gone back in time. You are sitting with them and hearing their stories whispered through the aging and brittle pages that have been left behind. They are all there just waiting to tell their stories. So take the opportunity to go to the courthouse and “meet” your ancestors through the one of the last—and perhaps one of the most revealing—documents they may ever have written: their wills.

Researching wills and probate records: Your next steps

Take your genealogy research to the next level by planning a trip to a courthouse to retrieve records like wills and probate records. These resources will help you get ready:

Why you should be researching court records

Success story: Genealogy research trip produced amazing family history find

Premium Podcast Episode 128: Courthouse research tips (for Genealogy Gems Premium subscribers)

Disclosure: This article contains affiliate links and Genealogy Gems will be compensated if you make a purchase after clicking on these links (at no additional cost to you). Thank you for supporting Genealogy Gems!

Margaret Linford

Margaret Linford

Margaret Linford is a professional genealogist who specializes in the Mid-South Region of United States research and has logged over 20,000 research hours. Born and raised in Virginia, she has enjoyed traveling the world, and now lives in her childhood hometown with her husband and children. She enjoys teaching her children about heritage, taking them along on research trips and serving as President of the Smyth County Genealogical Society.

Cemetery Research for Genealogy: 4 Steps for Finding Your Ancestors’ Graves

Cemetery research is a crucial family history skill. Tombstones are monuments to our ancestors lives and may have key genealogical clues engraved in the stone. Follow these four steps to finding your ancestors’ burial places and the records that complement them.

Many of my ancestors are buried just two miles from my house in Round Hill Cemetery in Marion, Virginia. I drive by the cemetery each day, as I take my daughters to school. I never pass by without glancing up at the hallowed ground which holds the remains of those who came before me. The sun perfectly illuminates their resting place each morning and a majestic tree stands at the very top of the hill–a living monument to the lives they led in the town where I now raise my own family.

It is an emotional experience to stand in the place where an ancestor’s remains have been laid to rest. Each time I visit the grave of my grandma, I have a vision of a family standing around a casket on a bitter cold day in March. It was a just few days before the official start of spring, but it was the dead of winter to me. That ground is sacred to me, now. Each time I visit, I am transported back in time to that day. A wound is re-opened for a moment, but the moment is fleeting because I quickly remember her life, not her death. I remember the stories she told, the service her hands rendered to her family and, most importantly, the love that transcends time and even the icy grip of death. Death truly loses its “sting” as we stand before a monument of stone and see beyond to the life it represents. Scenes like this one have played out at each grave.

I am reminded of this quote from Fear Nothing, a Dean Koontz book, whenever I visit the cemetery: “The trunks of six giant oaks rise like columns supporting a ceiling formed by their interlocking crowns. In the quiet space below, is laid out an aisle similar to those in any library. The gravestones are like rows of books bearing the names of those whose names have been blotted from the pages of life; who have been forgotten elsewhere but are remembered here.”

I have often gone to my ancestors’ resting places to take pictures of headstones and search for relatives I may have missed in the past. It seems like each time I visit, I notice something new. This library of marble holds many clues that have helped me break down brick walls in my family history research. These clues have been there, etched in stone, for decades. It wasn’t until I recognized how to read the clues that I began to understand the importance of cemeteries in family history research.  These resting places have become much more to me than merely a place to go and offer a bouquet of flowers. There are answers waiting to be discovered.

The key to getting the answers is knowing which questions to ask. In my experience, the best genealogists are not the ones with the best cameras, the best software, or the best gadgets–they are the ones with the best questions. Curiosity is the most important tool to the successful genealogist.  The next time you find yourself in a library of marble, take a few moments to let your curiosity run wild. “Who are the people surrounding my family members? What are their stories? What do the etchings on their headstones mean?” That curiosity will lead to the most remarkable discoveries and you will see for yourself how a piece of marble truly can break down a brick wall.  Below I’ve outlined the steps for finding family cemeteries and which questions you should be asking when you get there. Get inspired by my own examples of breaking down brick walls, and implement these methods I used for your own success!”

Cemetery research step #1: Identify the cemetery

The first step in cemetery research is to identify the name of the cemetery where an ancestor was buried. The best places to start looking are death certificates, funeral home records and obituaries. Each one of these records should contain the name of the cemetery where a family member was buried. We sometimes fail to look beyond the names and dates on death certificates. If we get in the habit of taking the time to absorb all of the information on these important documents, we will find genealogical treasure.

Sometimes, the death certificate will not give us the name of the cemetery. This was the case with my great-grandmother, Mollie Weimer Overbay. I was frustrated to see that the death certificate only indicated that she was buried, as opposed to cremated or removed to another location. While the certificate did not provide me with the name of a cemetery, it did offer the name of the funeral director: W.B. Seaver.

cemetery research for genealogy

Luckily, I was able to follow this lead to the local funeral home. Within their records, I discovered that she was buried in Round Hill Cemetery, along with many of my other ancestors.

cemetery research for genealogy

Cemetery research step #2: Locate the cemetery

Once you have located the name of the cemetery, several resources can guide you to its location. Three helpful websites are listed below. Which you choose may depend on personal preference or familiarity but also on which site seems to have more records for the locales of most interest to you.

1. One of my favorite online resources is Find A Grave. This website allows you to search for cemeteries all over the world.  At the home page, click on the Cemeteries tab (#1, below). Then enter the name or location of the cemetery (#2). In this screenshot, you can see part of the Google Maps interface that shows you the exact location of the cemetery, should you want to visit in person:

cemetery research for genealogy

Find A Grave also has pictures of many of the headstones located within cemeteries.

2. cemetery research for genealogyBillion Graves allows users to collect photos of headstones by using an iPhone/Android camera app. The app, available on Google Play and the App Store (for iPhone and iPad), tags the photos with the GPS location and, essentially, maps the cemetery as headstones are added. Search for cemetery locations using the Billion Graves app or on the website by selecting the “Cemetery Search” option and then entering the name of the cemetery or a known address (to see it on Google Maps):

cemetery research for genealogy

3. Interment.net can also be helpful. From the home page, scroll down just a little until you see “Browse Cemetery Records by Region.” This can be especially helpful if you’re looking for all records within a specific county or other region (it’s not quite as useful if you’re trying to locate all cemeteries within a certain radius of a location, regardless of local boundaries).

cemetery research for genealogy

Get more help! The Family Tree Cemetery Field Guide contains detailed step-by-steps for using FindAGrave and BillionsGraves, plus guides for understanding tombstone epitaphs and symbol meanings.

In addition to these resources, it is essential to contact the local library, genealogical society, and/or historical society where your ancestors are buried. These organizations are well-known for maintaining detailed listings of local cemeteries within their collections. For instance, within Smyth County (where I live) there is a four-volume set of books that contains the work of two local historians, Mack and Kenny Sturgill. They spent several years mapping local cemeteries and collecting the names on all of the headstones. Although these books were completed in the 1990s, the information is still valuable to genealogists. Detailed driving directions were given to help future researchers locate cemeteries that would otherwise be difficult to locate. Many of them are on private property and even in the middle of cow pastures or wooded areas. Furthermore, some of the headstones that were legible in the 1990s have now become difficult to decipher due to weathering or have altogether disappeared. It is likely that the counties in which you are conducting cemetery research offer similar resources.

Cemetery research step #3: Prepare for a visit

Once you have found the cemetery you want to visit, you will want to take the following items along with you to make the most of your visit:

  • a camera
  • pair of gloves
  • grass clippers
  • notebook and pen
  • long pants
  • sturdy shoes

You may also want to use a damp cloth to bring out the carvings on headstones. A side note: if you are like me and have an aversion to snakes, you will either choose to go on cemetery expeditions during the winter, or you will invest in a pair of snake chaps.

Cemetery research step #4: Visit and search for clues

cemetery research for genealogy

This headstone shows something unusual: the couple’s ham radio call signs (the codes engraved just below their names).

The headstones found in cemeteries can reveal much about your family. You will find more than birth and death dates. If you look closely, you will discover symbols related to military service and religious beliefs, maiden names of the women in your family, and you may even find family members that you never knew about. Many times, you will find children buried in the family plot. Look around to see who is buried near your ancestors. It is likely that you will find connections to other family members when you are visiting the cemetery. These connections may lead you to break down long-standing brick walls within your family history.

In my own experience, there have been several instances in which cemetery research has helped shed light on a family mystery. I had grown up hearing that there were members of our family who had fought in the Civil War. Who were these men? What experiences did they have during the war?  Where had they fought?

The answers to these questions came as the result of a visit to the cemetery.  I had gone to Round Hill Cemetery to photograph the headstones of my Weimer ancestors. As I worked my way down the row, I encountered an unfamiliar name—William Henry Wymer. At the top of his headstone, there was a Southern Cross of Honor—a symbol used to denote a soldier who fought during the Civil War. Below his name was the following inscription: “Co. A, 6 VA RES, C.S.A:”

cemetery research for genealogy

When I went home that afternoon, I began to search for more details. With some census research, I learned that he was the uncle of my great-grandmother, Mollie Weimer Overbay. Upon confirming his relationship to our family, I began searching for a pension application for his wife, Rhoda:

cemetery research for genealogy

The application had been submitted in 1926 and told the story of William’s life. Among other things, I learned the answers to my questions about his service during the Civil War. His wife indicated that he enlisted during the last year of the war and was present during a well-known battle in our county—the Battle of Saltville. I am sure that my great-grandmother had grown up listening to tales of this battle and William’s experience during the war. The details of the story had been lost but were now re-discovered thanks to a trip to the cemetery.

Subtle clues like this one await you as you search out your own ancestors. The next time you make a trip to one of these libraries of marble, take a few moments to look closely at the clues that surround you. They may not be obvious, but they are there, waiting for your curiosity to uncover them. So, bring your cameras, your gloves, and your grass clippers to the cemetery on your next visit—but don’t forget to bring your questions and your ability to perceive the minute details, as you stand beneath the towering trees, among the rows of marble, waiting to offer up their long-held secrets.

More cemetery research tips

Cemetery records: An alternative to death recordscemetery research

How to find cemeteries in Google Earth

How to read a faded tombstone without damaging the stone

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